I have a Fever.

I had been helping a relative overcome a cold and just returned home.  I was tired!  Luckily I wasn’t sick.  Just in case, I was eating large helpings of the same illness fighting foods I prepared for my relatives.  After unpacking from a long trip, I planned on winding down with some company online.  I had a long conversation with a friend and it started with how lucky I felt about not getting sick. 

I was lucky!  Or so I thought.

The first clue that something was wrong came from a slight itch at the top of my mouth.  This wasn’t like a typical sore throat feeling so I chalked it up to the dry air of winter.  I kept talking with my friend all through the night, drinking plenty of fluids and yet… the itch didn’t go away.  It was stubborn.  In the back of my mind I knew that this was the same symptom of the illness I helped my relative fight. 

But for some reason I went into denial.  It couldn’t be!  Or so I thought.

I had this feeling like a familiar shadow was glinting its smiling eyes over my shoulder.  I kept talking like a dead man walking, late into the night before I finally signed off.

The next morning, my suspicions were confirmed.  I woke up with severe pain in my sinuses, got up for my daily routine, and there she was.  Pestilence.  That floating green translucent woman.  She embraced me with her usual enthusiasm, the touch nearly crippling me as she made swirls in my shirt with her finger. 

“How did you get here?” I asked.  My throat was starting to constrict.

“I snuck in with your luggage! Heh~heh~!”  She always looks so damned happy with these announcements, rubbing her nose with her finger in triumph. 

“Did you miss me did you~<3?” She bodied me again. 

“Have you been eating poorly?  Let’s get a taste.”

Oh no.  No.

Must she pry open my mouth against my will?  I could feel her slimy tongue fish into my mouth to taste what I had been eating.  She was in for a rude surprise.

“STEW?! BLEH!” She recoiled like a demon hit with holy water. 

I laughed in triumph, wiping away that slime from my mouth, but before I could gloat down at her she rammed her hand into my mouth.  I choked for a moment while her hand went to work, grabbing hold of my upper palette then ramming her finger right through into my sinuses.  I lost the strength in my legs from the violent birding.  To say it was unpleasant to hang off her middle finger like a piece of hooked meat is an understatement.  The next stage of the illness hit full force. 

A headache.

A fever.

A runny nose.

I was lucky that these symptoms were mild in comparison to what my relative went through.  Or so I thought.  You see, I have a bit of history with this girl and sometimes Pestilence doesn’t come alone. 

After she was done violating my mouth, Pestilence went into the kitchen to raid my fridge like she always did.  As soon as she spotted the potatoes she hissed like a cat and pointed a slime ray at my spuds.  The potatoes rapidly sprouted spuds in a vain attempt to reproduce before mold overtook them from the inside out.  Satisfied with this petty destruction she proceeded to raid my fridge while I struggled with the medicine cabinet. 

The medicine cabinet, I hate this thing.  Why?  Because as soon as I open this door I know that my appetite will fade.  And when that happens…  What was that noise!?

I took a quick glance into the kitchen, a bag of cough drops in my hand.  Pestilence had claimed my celery and carrots as her latest victims before saying “Ah-ho lucky~<3~!” at a tropical fruit I had in the fridge.  My complaints towards saving that fruit for myself were ignored as she promptly sat on my couch and ate it. 

I took a banana and tried to force feed it to her in frustration. 

Oh no.  My anger point is rising.  I need to calm down before-

“Oh Dan, I love it when you struggle so much.”  Pestilence devoured the banana before planting me with another kiss.  My sinuses ballooned with phlegm before I sneezed us apart.  Casting me aside like a used tissue I fell onto the couch, helpless as she turned on the Tv.  Oh this couch… it’s so comfortable…  When did it get this velvety texture..? 

I looked up.  It was Death.  I tried to get up, but found that I didn’t have the strength.  She smiled at me from her nun habit, covered in the latest trends in fetishes and beliefs before drawing me closer to her bosom.   

“Hello Death.”

Was all I could manage in greeting as she stroked my hair with those gentle fingers.  She’s such a saint.  Unlike her noisy ungracious sister Pestilence with her habit of floating around naked and making me sick all the – I need to calm down.  I need to calm down, calm, meditate.  Yeah, I’ll just do a mantra…

My mouth hurts too much.  I looked at the bag of cough drops with sadness.  Sensing my intention Death guided my hands to the bag.  A gesture of kindness you might think, but no.  No it only gets worse.  That golden lemon pill entered my mouth and soon I was kissing yet another sister out of four; Famine. 

She’s a thin, older looking girl, but despite her height she’s actually younger than Pestilence.  Looking at her beam down at me as she plopped more medication into my mouth made me furious.  She knows damn well that each of those pills makes me less aware of my hunger.  If I don’t eat then I can’t fight off Pestilence.  And if I don’t eat for too long, my body will become famished.  She gets off with these life and death games, trying to make my body forget about its core needs long enough before I become very weak; then she gets off from me crawling back into health, devouring my way to recovery. 

Oh this shit just pisses me off so damn much! 

Yes that’s right.  Get mad.

Damn straight.

They don’t deserve to be here.

Fuck yeah this is my house.
That’s right.
They need to get the hell out of my place.
Yeah.  Make them leave.  Do it.
I- wi-wait.
Let’s bring up some painful memories.
Stop.
Let’s bring up this one, oh yes that one makes you upset.  I can feel your heart racing.
Stop.
Oh sister turned on the news.  Look at all the suffering in the world.
Stop.
Doesn’t that make you mad?  Doesn’t that make you want to do something?
Ungh…

She burst out with a sneeze.  Fucking War.  Now all four of them were here. 
“Come on Dan, ride with me!”
“Stop rubbing your face all over me War, I’m not going to get my hands covered in blood for you.”
“Don’t be like that, I know what you’re capable of.”

We grappled for about five minutes before I was able to get ahold of my anger enough to weaken her.  With just a low simmering anger she was practically weak.  She faded back into my body leaving only her annoying head to float around on my skin in an attempt to annoy me.  Goad me all you like woman, I’m not burning this house down.

I did take some of that feverish strength in order to ram my arm through Pestilence’s chest so that I could grab the remote and change the channel.  Oh good, anime.  I can deal with this. 

“Stop your rain of slime fists Pestilence, I saw that ahegao, you aren’t fooling anyone.  No Famine I don’t want another pill, stop mmmmph!”

Simmer Anger Point Lvl 2.

It was around this point that War was whispering her snake tongue into my ear.  I tried drowning her out with the anime series, but underneath all the mind numbing of the drugs, I could see the sense of her words.  Yes, if I just took ahold of her power for a moment… a coup?  You devious woman, yes!  It could work. 

Give me your strength. 
Give me your body.
Let it fill my veins.
Let it take over.

I knocked the next pill out of Famine’s hand, and exploded from the couch.  I didn’t even notice the table I tripped over in my mad dash to the kitchen.  War was in my veins.  I could feel her riding my back, whipping me into a frothing fury.  So what if the stew ingredients were ruined?  I would feast on the meat and blood!  Behind me I could hear Famine’s anticipation, the image of her biting her lips fueled my anger to the next level.  The kitchen became a battle zone.  The sound of skillets and chopped ingredients echoed like a blacksmith’s forge. 

I finished crafting my weapon.

One massive pile of variety herb seasoned steak. 

I dug into the dish, wolfing it down.  Each bite giving me strength and sending Famine to the next high.  Licking the dish clean I saw the tallest sister crumble onto the floor, delirious.

One down.

With energy filling my veins I took this chance to clean and scrub the place.  All things I came into contact with often, all the clothes that I soaked in sweat, all the dust – I defeated it.  Pestilence was too distracted with the excitement of the Tv to realize that I had her cornered. 

I was ready to make my move.

“Oh Pestilence~”

I could see the mad smile reflected off her translucent form.  I walked closer with my tissues.  Broken of her trance from the Tv, she looked for a place to escape to and saw none. 

“It’s time for your bath~  Let me wash your back for you.”

“War! How could you!”

I honestly can’t tell you who did the cackling, but I know it was coming from my body somehow.  My world became a dimmed pinpoint as I scrubbed pestilence down in a frenzy of cleaning. 

I blacked out.

Bits of memory came back.  At some point, Pestilence finally escaped out the door, claiming she’d be back again like always.  The tongue sticking out was completely unnecessary.  War tried making me leave the house, but with Famine holding onto my leg, I knew that my body wasn’t in any shape to go on.  I reclaimed my body, forcing War back into her little box, and shook Famine off of leg. 

I had some tea.  I took a shower.  I sat on the couch.

Oh it’s so much softer than I remember…  I looked up.  It was Death.  She smiled at me with that saintly expression.  I was weak, but in the corner of my eye I knew my hand was still gripping onto Life.  Must I be on the edge so often?

Death stroked my hair with those delicate hands.

“Welcome back, Darling.” 

I turned off the Tv and slept.

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